Plans

I consider myself a patient person. I don't mind standing in a queue. Sometimes, waiting makes me appreciate the things around me. For example, if we hadn't been stuck at a red light on Halloween, Blake and I would never have seen the grown man, dressed as batman, with bat stickers all over his vehicle. It was pretty crazy. People honked. He seemed to enjoy the attention.

Anyway, my patience wears thin when it comes to the big picture.

I've been here since late August and still don't have a steady job. I temp. I sit at home and stare at my half-finished stories. I play Viva Pinata. It's... well, frustrating. I've been dealing with a lot of negative feelings lately, working through them, focusing on the positive and once in awhile, having a good cry.

It was about noon and I happened to think that I hadn't checked my cell in awhile. So I picked it up and saw that I missed two calls from the temp agency. One was from Friday at 5p.m. and one was from this morning at 10a.m. They wanted to schedule an interview for today. So, I tried semi-frantically to get in touch with the correct person for about two hours. I kept getting the woman's voicemail, but the receptionist assured me at least twice that the woman wasn't out or anything. I couldn't get through to her and she didn't return my call.

Finally, about 2:30 I spoke to the woman, who told me that the interviews had already taken place. I was out. I was frustrated. I felt... like this had been happening to me for months now. What was going on?

Usually, I check my cell like a crack addict. Why hadn't I picked it up on Friday? Why didn't I look at my cell phone all weekend? Usually it beeps when I have a new voicemail. Why didn't I hear it ring this morning? I was sitting right next to it. I used Blake's phone to call mine and double-check everything was working right. Apparently, it was.

I was frustrated and upset for about half an hour. Then, I thought about it. There must be a reason. Obviously, it wasn't meant to be, but for me to change my routines, for my phone to completely malfunction the entire weekend... well, it's just not something that usually happens.

It may seem like a series of unfortunate events, but in the end, I was thankful. I don't even know why. I just feel like I have to thank God for... keeping me from a job that I would have hated. I was eager to work there because it was a job with a paycheck. I knew I wouldn't like it. I knew I would probably be miserable, but still, I jumped at the chance.

Today, God told me, "don't settle. Be patient." Five months may seem like an interminable amount of time, but really, it's nothing.

Thank you.

And thank you to Blake, who hugged me for the entire time I was upset. Who reassured me that he supports me no matter what I do (or don't do) and that he doesn't feel bad I don't have a job.

I am blessed.