In Appreciation

Since I'm out of work and have nothing else to do, usually I wake up with my husband and go with him every morning. He musters (reports in) and then we go to the gym together. Usually, we're at the gym by eight. This morning, though, his muster ran a bit longer and I saw in the car while they played reville.

Every morning at eight, they raise American flags and every night at five, they take them down, each time playing the Star Spangled Banner. Outside, everyone stops what they are doing. People in uniform salute the flag, no matter how busy they are, they stop.

I love this ritual. I love traditions like this, especially ones with such purpose. It probably becomes just another duty after awhile. I'm sure people gripe and mumble about having to stop everything. Some people even pull their cars over to the side of the road until the anthem is over.

But I like to think that at least some people, take that moment, every morning/evening, to be grateful.

It's kind of like prayer. At first, praying is kind of a chore. You do it because you have to... and then, you find out (or at least I did) that you kind of like it. Then, it's not just another thing to check off your mental list. It's comforting. It's wonderful. It makes you appreciate life a little more and you do it without thinking.

This morning, reville reminded me to be thankful.

Can we talk about... yoga

Can we talk about yoga?

And how much I love it? It's relaxing. It's inspiring. It's... being one with the whole freakin' universe.

Because of my morning elliptical routine, I was a little weak in the legs during the yoga class. Okay, I was a lot weak in the legs. I shook during triangle. My knee wobbled during tree. My balance positions were noticeably unbalanced.

But I loved it anyway.

There was a group of people about my parents' age. First time-ers. Very fun to watch, very willing to try new things and limber up a bit.

That's what I want to be like in thirty years. I want to say, "I'm going to yoga. I know everyone there will be half my age. I know I couldn't bring my knee to my chest if a terrorist had a puppy under the tires of a bus, but darn it all... I'm going to yoga."

I would go to yoga for the ending relaxation part alone. Man alive. There is something about the instructor's voice. Makes relaxing so much more... relaxing.

By the end, I feel like a turtle. A big, happy, turtle, just moseying along, taking everything in. Happy to go only as fast as absolutely necessary.

Plans

I consider myself a patient person. I don't mind standing in a queue. Sometimes, waiting makes me appreciate the things around me. For example, if we hadn't been stuck at a red light on Halloween, Blake and I would never have seen the grown man, dressed as batman, with bat stickers all over his vehicle. It was pretty crazy. People honked. He seemed to enjoy the attention.

Anyway, my patience wears thin when it comes to the big picture.

I've been here since late August and still don't have a steady job. I temp. I sit at home and stare at my half-finished stories. I play Viva Pinata. It's... well, frustrating. I've been dealing with a lot of negative feelings lately, working through them, focusing on the positive and once in awhile, having a good cry.

It was about noon and I happened to think that I hadn't checked my cell in awhile. So I picked it up and saw that I missed two calls from the temp agency. One was from Friday at 5p.m. and one was from this morning at 10a.m. They wanted to schedule an interview for today. So, I tried semi-frantically to get in touch with the correct person for about two hours. I kept getting the woman's voicemail, but the receptionist assured me at least twice that the woman wasn't out or anything. I couldn't get through to her and she didn't return my call.

Finally, about 2:30 I spoke to the woman, who told me that the interviews had already taken place. I was out. I was frustrated. I felt... like this had been happening to me for months now. What was going on?

Usually, I check my cell like a crack addict. Why hadn't I picked it up on Friday? Why didn't I look at my cell phone all weekend? Usually it beeps when I have a new voicemail. Why didn't I hear it ring this morning? I was sitting right next to it. I used Blake's phone to call mine and double-check everything was working right. Apparently, it was.

I was frustrated and upset for about half an hour. Then, I thought about it. There must be a reason. Obviously, it wasn't meant to be, but for me to change my routines, for my phone to completely malfunction the entire weekend... well, it's just not something that usually happens.

It may seem like a series of unfortunate events, but in the end, I was thankful. I don't even know why. I just feel like I have to thank God for... keeping me from a job that I would have hated. I was eager to work there because it was a job with a paycheck. I knew I wouldn't like it. I knew I would probably be miserable, but still, I jumped at the chance.

Today, God told me, "don't settle. Be patient." Five months may seem like an interminable amount of time, but really, it's nothing.

Thank you.

And thank you to Blake, who hugged me for the entire time I was upset. Who reassured me that he supports me no matter what I do (or don't do) and that he doesn't feel bad I don't have a job.

I am blessed.

Southern Living

When I thought of living in Alabama (which is basically where I live) I was a little afraid that all the women would have two first names and the men would be like Alabama Man. Once I got here, I was happy to find that the people were just like me, except with an accent.

Today, I met the stereotype and she is the nicest lady ever. She works at the office I'm temping at. She had a doctor's appointment, but stuck around for 45 minutes until she had to leave. She talked nonstop.

By the time she left, I knew the following things about her:
-She has had kidney stones for two years and has been urinating blood over the past couple months.
-She met her first husband while he was on the work-release program from prison.
-She has two daughters. Her eldest isn't exactly world-wise. She thought she could get pregnant from sitting on a unisex toilet.
-Her dream car is a Buick Grand National and her favorite actor is Vin Diesel.
-She has a twin sister, Mary.
-Her dream is to be an ancient Egyptian.
-She and her oldest daughter were so sick on New Year's Eve that they couldn't eat any of the junk food they bought. Her daughter was throwing up in the kitchen sink.
-Her current car is actually one of the original Mary Kay cars.
-Various other completely random things

It really made my day a lot better. I'd had a terrible morning yesterday. My car is... well... it's done for. It runs. It moves, but that doesn't make it right. I refuse to drive it anywhere. Blake and I are going car shopping today. We have a few good prospects so I'm not feeling too bad about it. We'll be able to pay for the whole thing up front.

The car incident almost ruined my entire day, but about 8p.m. I began feeling better. Blake wasn't upset and kept reassuring me that things would be okay and I had a good long prayer. Though I wasn't feeling completely fine, I felt a lot more peace than I had all day.

People Who Love You

Call me morbid. But there are lots of times when I imagine what a situation would be like if I had no one. No friends, no husband, no parents or loving family.

Like the first day of college. It's unlike any other "first day" ever because this is your chance... your chance to prove every nasty thing anyone said about you in high school wrong, to be a new person and do things right. Still, it's scary.

I was as excited (if not more) than every other incoming freshman the first day of orientation. It was scary, though. There were so many people. So many cars. My new bff could be around any corner.

What would it have been like if I had no one? It's not that I needed guidance really. It was organized chaos and I could have gotten along alone. But I had my parents always with me and I knew they believed in me.

Even more, I knew they were there, expecting the best of me. So, if someone asked me if I wanted to do something semi-nefarious (even still), I didn't do it. Not because I was afraid my parents would be mad, but because I didn't want to disappoint them by being so much less than they knew I could be.

Parents are great. Even now. I'm unemployed. Moved to the opposite pole of the country. Have given them no hope for grandchildren from me for years to come and yet, they love me. They're still proud of me. They still worry if I eat enough vegetables.

So, I love my parents. With a funny mix of mature respect and child-like admiration and a dose of adult-worry.

It Was Christmas

Christmas at home was awesome. Of course, the night before we leave there is a gigantic snow storm, but we arrived the 20th safe and sound, and about 20 minute early actually. And then, more snow so we couldn't get home Saturday, but luckily, we have Blake's family in Canandaigua and we stayed with them.

It felt nice to be home. Though, it did make me feel like a high-schooler again. My mother making me dinner, cuddling on the couch with Blake and such.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas:







And now, the giant, new dog my parents got. Sunny:


And I got to visit with my awesome friend, Lorae and her family. I love seeing people again. I read her blog. We all Facebook, but it just isn't the same.

Now, it's the new year. It's going to be hard to leave 2008 behind. It was the most life-changing year of my... well, life, but every year will get better. At least, that's what I'm promising myself.