Fireworks & Keys

Fourth of July. Last year, we went downtown and watched Pensacola's fireworks show. It was great. Very crowded, lots of lawn chairs and lots of people setting off their own fireworks. I remember thinking, "are those people crazy? They could shoot their eyes out, kid."

Flash forward a year.

DIY fireworks. Thank you, Sheldon fireworks of Alabama.

You know what's crazy? Growing up in a state (New York) where fireworks are so illegal that if you so much as touch one, they put you away for life. Then, moving to a state where they are not only legal, but you can buy them at Wal-Mart.

This is Sheldon Fireworks:



Let me clarify. This is half of Sheldon Fireworks. As soon as we walked in, all the guys' faces lit up like someone had just given them a big ice cream cone with sprinkles. At least, that's the only thing that would make me smile like that.

It was a little scary at first. I mean, come on. You're in a warehouse of high explosives with random people who, for all you know, could have quit school after the fourth grade. The No Smoking signs everywhere aren't put up just for the irony.

So we all stocked up and headed out to Orange Beach. Note: We couldn't bring them back to Florida because only Alabama allows the "good" fireworks. The ones that shoot into the air and explode in large, brightly colored bits. Because, those are dangerous and could kill people. More on that later.

The beach was windy. From the second we stepped out of the cars, it was like a high-priced exfoliation. Sand buffeting the legs, the face, the hands and worming its way into the very fabric of everything we wore.

We set up the grill and, eventually, got to grilling. That food was good. A little sandy, but some things can't be helped.

As the sun set, the clouds came in and it looked like rain. The guys were all like, "oh, the radar looks fine. The radar doesn't lie." and the girls were like, "thank you aviators, how do you explain the water droplets hitting my face?"

Fireworks commenced. It was crazy. The wind was out of control, as were the men lighting the fireworks. I had sparklers. Just call me Indiana Jones, lover of high-flying adventure.

One guy we were with is from Texas and has experience with the "good" fireworks. He knew what to buy for the biggest explosions. As the night wore on, the big ones came out. Fireworks, I mean.

It's a mortar. You know, like in warfare. Same concept. Almost same result... You get a tube that you dig into the sand so it's stable, you put in your mortar and BOOM. Except, you know what doesn't work so well? When your tube isn't stable. Because the force of the explosion is substantial and if you don't bury it, the force of the firework will cause the tube to fall sideways and fire laterally... into the people setting off their own fireworks a hundred feet away... into the two guys and their father who have their own stockpile of very flammable materials. We almost eradicated an entire family line.

It was a beautiful firework, but it lost its charm when its light only served to show the horror and fear on the other people's faces. Oh well. They understood. They'd been there before.

The other thing that doesn't work so well? Putting in the mortar upside down. Because then, and this is the exciting part, it doesn't launch at all. It explodes at ground-level, barely giving enough time for the men people who lit it to run away with a hearty "oh shit."

Amid all this excitement was another drama. Blake lost the car key. As much as we all searched for it, we all knew it was gone. So we hitched a ride home with someone and had to drive all the way back to Alabama the next day.

But.

It was a good thing, because we went to the outlet mall in Foley. So, I'm not complaining. I got a dress for the winging that I'm very happy with. :)

Also, Blake got an awesome watch, which we have to return this weekend. The thing about shopping at outlet malls is that a lot of the stuff is discontinued. So it was with said watch. They don't make it anymore. Therefore, they don't make the bands anymore so Blake has almost no hope of replacing the rubber one with a sturdy metal one. Why the company doesn't make bands a more standardized thing, I have no idea.

Again, I'm not upset because we only got through half the stores on Monday and when we go back Friday, we can visit the other half. So, things all work out in the end. Well, at least, for me they did.

p.s. When Blake paid for our drinks and fudge at the Fudgery... the lady told him to "have a fudgey day."