Second of all, and most importantly, this is sex in a car we're talking about. I'm guessing a classic Mustang, Impala, or Thunderbird and not a Prius. Sex in a classic car does sound kind of sexy, but the idea of a big stain in the back of a Toyota Camry is just gross.
I'm putting out my own helpful tips.
- You must have a sexy car. Though sex in a mini-van may be more convenient, it's still a mini-van. About a year or so after we started dating, my husband drove a big, white mini-van. He took it with him to college his sophomore year. And his friends still make fun of him.
- You must be sexy. Because no one wants to think of two ugly people going at it.
- It must be night and it must be raining. Because it just must be.
- Make an appointment with a car detailer before the deed. Two words my friends, stains and odor. You know that the next week, your boss's car will break down and he will be like, "You, insignificant peon over there, I have a lunch meeting with the CEO of Big Global Conglomerate Inc. Co. You will drive me!" And you will be like, "um... shit."
- Bring a bottle of water and Excedrin. Especially for the ladies, because you will cramp in places where you thought there was no muscle. Think about clowns in a clown car. Now picture those clowns trying to do the Macarena. Ouch.
And most importantly........... - Do Not have sex in a car. Don't you remember what it was like in high school, trying to just make out in a car? You were worried about getting busted all the time. Something was always jabbing you in the hip/arm/torso/everywhere else. It was impossible to find a safe spot to park.
Okay, so doing it in the bed is old news. Try the kitchen or the living room or the shower. Spend the night in a nice hotel. But, for the love of God, don't come crying to me when you try to have sex in a car and you come out looking like Quasimodo with a $2000 fine and a court date.
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